It's been one of those days. If you know what I am talking about. One of those days where I wish I was anywhere else but where I was. I actually wanted to be at a job. Doing stuff that adults do. Not trying for an hour and a half to put a baby down for a nap. Not slouching over all day long so my baby can get lots of exercise practicing walking around. Not waiting until 1:00pm to even start my day. Not cleaning a toilet while trying to entertain a baby that would not nap.
I wanted to be at a real desk. Wearing real work clothes. And lipstick. And talking on the phone having a real conversation. And feeling like I was accomplishing something.
It was a hard day. I cried. A lot. I felt stressed and overwhelmed and that where-is-my-life-going confusion.
But now the day is done. We had friends over for dinner. Actually, they brought us dinner. We drank some lovely wine. Had good conversation. And the baby went to sleep early.
Now I sit in the stillness. I hear the crickets outside. The hum of our fan in the dining room. And nothing else. It is peaceful. It is where I belong.
I realize I was exactly where I should have been today. Being a mother. A wife. A friend.
6 comments:
You just described my life. I think Jim sometimes wonders if I have split personalities, haha. I wish I knew where I could find a job working five to ten hours a week, with my baby in the same building being cared for by people I know, love, and trust, making tons of money, feeling very important, with wonderful people...So if you hear of anything like this let me know haha:-)
I know you had a hard day, and reading about it made me feel bad for you, but oh, the memories that come to mind! And now when I retell those stories, it always puts a smile in my heart. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us, so I can be reminded of my time at home with my babies, who are now 25 and 29.
Abes - what a lovely story! I think we do that often no matter what disposition we are in --> wishing we were doing something else. Ah, the human nature of not being content. But the beauty of it all is realizing we should be exactly where we are.
You are such an awesome, beautiful mother!!! I love you even more because of it.
Isn't it wonderful how one moment you are questioning your life (Sooze and I call these our WAILing moments [Why Am I Living]) and then all of a sudden you become centered by God, family, and friends. I had a "similar" moment today...granted it didn't involve a baby. I miss you and love my dear friend all the way from Nashville.
This is beautiful. This job can be so hard...soooo hard. But it is always worth it. In the same way that it is worth it at the end of the day when all is still, it will be worth it when they go out on their own and all is still but we know we did our best. Thank God we don't have to be perfect :)
Abra,
I have enjoyed reading your blog, and I really appreciate this post. Sometimes it is hard to measure our "worth" as moms, and I have totally have had days like you have described so beautifully. We belong where the Lord places us, no matter how "mundane" it may seem, and this is a good reminder!
Keep writing!
Melanie
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